Reflections On A College Career
A long time ago I attended the University of Rochester. (Class of 2010)
Now that I’m living in Ithaca, NY, I find myself visiting my former college once or twice a year. There’s something important about my visits, important enough that I stop by campus when I find myself in the vicinity.
On my most recent visit I walked into the Strong Auditorium to look upon the main stage. Here is what I saw:
Inside Strong Auditorium at the University of Rochester River Campus
The lights were off and all I could see was this giant white screen. It appeared to be illuminated, as if still on and ready to be used. I sat in the balcony seating and gazed upon the screen. It was as if I expected something to appear. Perhaps a reel of my experiences at the University. I started to tap into what I was feeling. It’s a feeling I only recognize when visiting these kinds of places.
So what do I mean these kinds of places? Maybe it’s nostalgia? That might be the first inclination, to say this is a nostalgic place. I’m sure there is a piece of that baked in, but this feeling is far more complicated than that. As I watched the empty screen, towering above a stage I performed on twice a semester, it felt funny to me how far removed I was from this campus, and that I had four years worth of experiences here, most of them forgotten, smushed together like a child finger painting with a variety of colors.
I remember how anticlimactic my graduation was. The last official day of my college career, and the last person I said goodbye to was but a mere aquaintance. I had only ever spent time with her about once a semester, and other than that seen her in passing around campus. That was it. I barely knew this person and she was the last person I said goodbye too. It is symbolic of how that graduation day felt. I almost didn’t go, only attending because my parents were in the audience. I heard one of the worst speeches given by an English professor, and Danny Wegman shared a keynote speech that had zero depth to it. Four years of school and this is the send off?
Staring at the giant screen, my brain continues to work…
What was I doing here? Why are these memories so far away from me? I can think about them, but I no longer feel connected to them.
I had some wonderful times at school performing with the jazz ensemble, sharing laughs with my fraternity brothers, and living off campus with friends for a summer. Perhaps it makes me sad that I feel so removed from these experiences. We were all so young and still developing our bodies and minds.
After 45 minutes of looking at the huge projector screen, my partner arrived on campus and I showed her around. It was fun to bring her to spots around campus that were not frequently visited such as the stacks and the balcony overlooking the library quad. We also walked through Wilson Commons and I pointed out how the interior had changed and how it had stayed the same.
We also visited the Eastman School and saw a concert there. From my time at school, attending concerts and recitals at Eastman were some of the more meaningful experiences. World class talent on our doorstep, and yet only a few students took advantage of these free shows.
Visiting the U of R feels familiar, so there’s comfort in that, and also a sense of how far I’ve come after graduating. If you could not tell, there’s a bittersweetness that lingers, coupled with confusion. All these people I went to school with, and it seems they don’t exist anymore.
I came to school expecting to find a deeper meaning to my life because my guidance counselors and mentors told me I would find this in college. The reality was far different, and maybe this is why the memories are so distant. I did not find that connection, that deeper meaning.
I did what I thought I was supposed to do (go to college). And that leads me to the takeaways:
Do your research (same takeaway from a previous blog post). School is not for everyone, and which school you choose is important.
Write down your intentions for doing something. Why am I doing this? What would I like to extract from the experience? What do I want to learn?
Visit places where you had significant experiences that shaped you. Re-visit them. You will learn more about your growth by your reaction to being there. Re-visiting memories when you are wiser is helpful for gaining perspective and learning new things.